you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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