It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
