Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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