You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
