So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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