Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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