i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
