that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
