I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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