Me. At least after what I've been through.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
smell my finger.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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