I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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