I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
