No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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