I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
