You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
