Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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