i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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