3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
