dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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