hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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