Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
