At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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