Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize