i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
