He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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