Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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