The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
