That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
