Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
