I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
