even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We're too hungover to prance.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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