And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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