Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
