So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
