In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
