we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
