With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
