I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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