you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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