Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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