I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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