so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize