Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize