Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
