i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
North Korea, Best Korea!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
