Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
