Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize