i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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