You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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