Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
