hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize