A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
