Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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