my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
