Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
