I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
