I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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