I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
