Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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